Any attempt to understand human relationships leads to an exploration of attachment and the importance of parent-child bond. Though my YouTube channel has been indirectly attentive to these themes, there are a few videos where I have approached the subject. In this post, I give an overview of the material from three videos. If you’d like to see the source material, you can click on the video links.
Attachment: The Foundation of Relationships
The first video, although can be viewed on its own, belongs to a 20-part series on Great Ideas in Psychology. It focuses on attachment theory and the role of attachment in human psychology and development.
At its core, attachment refers to the bond between infants and caregivers, which shapes—and provides the space for—emotional development. In contrast to individual-centred approaches in psychology, attachment theory emphasizes relationships and the collaborative construction of a shared world between caregiver and child.
The video explores key theoretical perspectives, including John Bowlby’s developmental stages of attachment and Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” paradigm, which categorizes attachment styles (secure, anxious-avoidant, and anxious-resistant).
Though relatively stable, attachment styles can change over time, through the cultivation of secure, nurturing bonds.
Love without Cruelty: Embracing Vulnerability
The video “Love without Cruelty,” is an improvised exploration of the possible link between professed “love” and an actual disregard for the other person. Cruelty, I argue, can arise from love when it is improperly developed, or cruelty attaching itself to love, hiding within it and unrecognized. This can manifest in parental control, conflicts in romantic relationships, or unreciprocated affection.
My aim in that video was to explore the meanings of cruel and non-cruel love and try to clarify what distinguishes them.
Hold on to Your Kids: Restoring Parent-Child Bonds
Inspired by the book, Hold On to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, this video also explores the significance of parent-child relationships. I describe what the authors call “peer orientation.” A peer-oriented child has substituted a constructive, nurturing, and liberating bond with a form of association that leads to conformity, emotional detachment, and a loss of cultural connection.
Neufeld and Maté argue that parents must—rather than controlling their children’s behaviours—focus on nurturing secure attachments by building trust, safety, and unconditional appreciation of their child.
This secure parent-child bond provides the foundation for independence and individuality. By contrast, peer orientation—despite its superficial promise—undermines individuality, encourages conformity, and suppresses vulnerability. Like the book, my video presentation also touches on the role of social media in exacerbating peer orientation.
Our relationships are shaped by our history and past experiences, but there is also the possibility of redirecting them with awareness and care. Our secure or insecure bonds are often hidden forces that shape our path, guiding us in directions we may have unknowingly set long ago.