One of the pleasures of writing these essays is the gradual realization of what it is that I am writing about. It’s a process like peeling, although I love all the layers equally, or like exhaling and sinking deeper underwater, although I like the surface, too.
I worked on this essay for several weeks, and it was only toward the end that I realized there is one concept at the heart of it. And that is transference. That’s my judgement, and I welcome disagreements and different readings from those patient enough to read through the whole piece.